Don’t let it bring you down, it’s only castles burning.
I lost another job today. Like many of the jobs I have lost in the past 15 years, it was a job I really wanted. A job that I thought would lead somewhere. A job that was to be the next stepping stone in my life. A job that was meant to lift our noses…
Line up the dominoes, a light wind blows. You try to stop it tumbling, But on and on it goes…
I’ve known for a while that my anxiety was a problem. For the entirety of my life, I’ve needed to drive myself to keep going. If I didn’t keep moving at full tilt, I wouldn’t get anything done. Lay off the whip and I’d go nowhere. And I think back in the day when I…
Take the pill, or you’ll be sorry.
So first of all, it has been months since I updated this thing. Which is something that I swore I wouldn’t allow to happen. I was not going to start this project just to abandon it. I was going to update it regularly. Like most of the times I make such resolutions, it failed. And…
Misery loves company and company loves more, more loves everybody else, but hell is others.
It’s time I admitted that I’m terrified of people. It’s not just the fact that I am autistic, although that certainly contributes. I can imitate social norms to a certain degree, but on their deepest level they are incomprehensible to me. I am 40 years old and still have frequent missteps when trying to navigate…
But then they sent me away to teach me how to be sensible, logical, responsible, practical…
It’s weird remembering my school days. I was a “gifted” child, of course, like many kids with ADHD. But also like many kids with ADHD, my gifts appeared very selective. The initial plan was to skip me directly into first grade. My ADHD-raddled five-year-old brain heartily disagreed with this plan, which is why I was…
How does it feel to know you can’t go home?
Like many autistic girls, I masked my condition well. I was a quiet child, well-behaved, eager to please. I had no friends, of course, and the other children my age shunned me and called me weird, but as far as the adults were concerned I was the perfect child. It’s a big part of why…
The monster I was so afraid of lies curled up on the floor.
In many respects, my brain is broken. I have a chemical imbalance that leads to depression and anxiety. I have a neurodevelopmental disorder that effects the dopaminergic production and function in my brain, resulting in difficulty maintaining my attention, organising, and completing tasks. I literally have to ingest chemicals in order to mitigate the issues…
Maybe I’m just tired, or maybe I’m not brave.
I don’t know what feeds me anymore. When I was younger, I feel like I knew how to refresh myself. I could spend take a day off to read books, play video games, watch horror movies, spend some time with my friends, and come away feeling ready to engage with life again. And somewhere along…
Is it all in that pretty little head of yours? What goes on in that place in the dark?
When I was first diagnosed as being autistic, I relayed the fact to my (then) therapist. Her first question was, “So does that mean you don’t feel emotion?” Any chance of a successful therapeutic relationship pretty much went out the window in that moment, but this isn’t about that. It’s more about perceptions of autism…
I’m Having Trouble Trying to Sleep.
I need to get more sleep. It’s the most basic science. Even in neurotypical people, sleep deprivation results in reduced ability to focus or complete tasks, so of course it wrecks complete havoc on those of us with ADHD. Every study available says the same thing; sleep is an absolutely vital component of living and…
Loading…
Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.
Follow My Blog
Get new content delivered directly to your inbox.
Diagnosed As An Adult 